Humor on blind dating boise dating scene
Stare at your date's neck and grind your teeth audibly. If asked about it, pretend you don't know what they are talking about. Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your arms outstretched, and make airplane sounds. Discretely fill your pockets with sugar packets, napkins, salt shakers, silverware, floral arrangements, etc... Take one bite, pretend like the food is disgusting and say, "Man, did you get ripped off! During the meal get up and arrange them around the table in a circle. Save the bones from your meal, and explain that you're taking them home to your invalid, senile old mother, because it's a lot cheaper than actually feeding her. Collect all of the salt shakers from tables surrounding yours. When the waiter returns with another potato, have the first one back on your plate. Discuss boils and lesions, as if from personal experience. Insist that the waiter cut your food into little pieces. When the waiter brings your food, hide the potato, wait a few minutes, and ask the waiter for the potato you "never got". Later use good judgment in editing to twist their words around. Tell your date, "They need to air out." Order for your date. Tell them they "must eat it all or suffer the consequences." If they are paying, order the most expensive thing on the menu. Give the impression that you'll stab anyone, including the waiter, reaching for it. Explain that you need to make sure no one has poisoned your food. Pretend you have a secret microphone hidden on your body and you are talking the CIA. Occasionally speak in Pig Latin throughout the meal. When you return to the table, throw a spare pair of underwear on the back of one of the chairs. During dinner guard your plate with your fork and steak knife. Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions. Proudly explain to your date that you were voted "Most Festerous" in your high school yearbook. Read a newspaper, book or listen to a book on tape during the meal. Insist that the waiter take one bite from everything served to you.
When ordering, inquire whether the restaurant has any live food. If a crumb lands anywhere near your date, pick up the crumb, put it in your mouth and say, "I'm all about conservation." Eat everything on your plate within 30 seconds of it being placed in front of you. Go back to the head waiter/ hostess and ask for another table in a different part of the restaurant. When your date finally finds you, ask them "What took you so long in the bathroom?
This was awkward, especially because he was not late ... As he was coming out to meet me, my ex-boyfriend walked by, and we started chatting.
When the date came outside, I was talking to my ex and didn't know how to get out of it smoothly.
He conveniently missed the last train back to his city, which was 30 mins away.
Everything was closed, so I had to wait with him outside in the freezing cold until the next one at 5 a.m., because I DID NOT want to go back to my apartment with him.
I just continued talking to him while this guy was standing behind me.